Most children try to keep bedwetting a big secret, as they are fearful that others will find out. However, having a large secret can affect the way your child’s relationships and can leave him or her feeling lonely. Having a large secret is isolating, to say the least.
Plus, your child has all the stress of knowing that the secret may be exposed. The older a child is, typically the more effort will go into keeping bedwetting a secret. Among the things that children will do to keep bedwetting a secret are:
- Avoiding sleep overs, camping trips, and other events for fear of being “found out.”
- Avoiding bringing home other children, out of fear that someone in the home will “tell.”
- Adopting an “I don’t care” attitude or acting aloof in order to avoid getting close to others.
- Avoiding making friends.
- Staying up all night on camping trips or during sleep overs in order to prevent accidents.
- Teenagers may avoid dating.
- All children may avoid attention or notice by refusing to try to excel at school or activities.
- Acting in a “tough” or self-destructive way so that no one will guess the “truth.”
Your child may put themselves through a lot to prevent others from finding out that they wet the bed. This can create a lot of tension in the home and also ensures that your child will not make close friends.
Worse, your child may give up fun trips or exciting events just out of fear of accidents. This is limiting. You certainly don’t want your child to grow up fearfully or in great tension.
Generally, whether your child chooses to tell others about their bedwetting or not is up to them. You should never tell someone else about your child’s bedwetting – the child should be able to decide who to trust and who not to trust.
Telling anyone – even a well-meaning teacher or relative – without the child’s consent is a recipe for disaster, especially if your child is keeping the problem a secret. Your child may simply cease to trust you and will likely feel more fearful as well as resentful.
However, you can help your child open up to others by showing your own acceptance of the problem. If you treat the problem matter-of-factly and with sensitivity, your child may start to trust that others will, too.
Plus, you should encourage your child to spend time with others as much as possible. Discuss things such as camping trips or other events ahead of time and discuss with your child how he or she could handle bedwetting or the possibility of accidents in such a situation.
In a way, your child may be relieved when his or her secret is finally revealed. However, it can also be a very traumatic time, especially if the “truth” is met with teasing or disapproval.
You may want to speak to your child about what he or she would feel like if someone did find out. Discuss the responses that your child expects from others and then suggest more gentle responses that may be possible, too. Talk with your child about things that he or she could say to negative or insensitive comments.
When your child thinks, “I hate having a big secret.”
When many parents nowadays have changed their mind about bedwetting as a very common issue in children under the age of 7 and also in some teenagers, most children still take it as something embarrassing that needs to hide. Why so? Because when other people know your child has done bedwetting last night, his friends probably tease him at school and that makes your little one feel uncomfortable.
There are many ways your child can do to hide the accident from others outside his family, like avoiding making friends, never stay at his friends’ house, until stay awake until late at night if he must join a camp to prevent bedwetting happens in front of his friends. Well, to be honest, I myself do not really like keeping a secret as I have to put much efforts to make it safe. You can imagine if even adults do not love having a big secret, what your child might feel about it.
As you know how much he suffers from having a big secret to keep by himself, I believe you will do anything to help your child, won’t you? Of course, you do not need to help him revealing the bedwetting accident he does not want anybody to know, this only causes another disaster.
Instead of making the condition worse, giving him your support is a lot useful to ease his burden of hiding a part of his life at the age although in fact, it is not only your child who wets the bed. What kind of support you can you provide for him?
Accept his condition
You know exactly having a big secret makes your child avoiding socialization, the skills he actually needs to develop at his age. This means even though he tries hard to hide the accident, still you need to encourage him to make good friends and communicate with others which is started from trusting them. Show him that you are really OK with his condition thus you talk about that freely with others without feeling embarrassed or frustrated. In this way, he feels accepted and learns to trust people around him.
Do not push
Encouraging your child to trust others does not mean pushing him to do so. Whether he wants to reveal his secret or not to other people, it is his own choice that you cannot interfere. Pushing him to do something he does not like will be counterproductive, so just let him decide with whom he can share his big secret.
Prepare your child for the worst
Keeping a secret does not feel nice, but revealing it can be problematic too if the response from others make your child feeling down. As you see, bedwetting makes him really embarrassed and there is a wide possibility when he tells the truth, he will be teased. Prepare your child for the worst by teaching him what to say or do when he is teased so he is not bothered with that.